Letters in meanings.
C

Title is only one letter, the third letter of alphabet. It’s planned that rest of the letters will be a title for other article’s. I’ve decided to put ‘C’ for this one. So obviously for the first time in entire life, I am believing a thing that will continue without having any anxiety.

Whenever I think of you, I talk about you or see you. My heart is being covered with the feeling of excitement. I am not so foreign to the feeling but there is a difference. I wanted to be covered with this feeling for a long time ago, then I’ve lost my belief that I can have it.

Still having confusions if I am having what I always was scared to have or not. Since I am being scared of getting out of my shell, it feels like am a bit out and ready to  be damaged by C.
Also when C started to continue on D E and F, I start to believe it will go until the Z. Then letting my self without a fear of being hurt. That is the times I love most when I am with you.

O

Her sey basladigi yere geri donme gayreti icindeydi. O harfini yazarken oldugu gibi, bir noktadan baslarsin, diger noktayla birlestirmeye calisirsin cizgileri O harfini elde etmek icin. O harfini cizebilmek icin ugrastigimiz bir zaman icinde aslinda o harfinin yuvarlanip gidebilecegi gibi, kendimizi yuvarlamaya calismaktayiz. Aslinda hayat O harfiyle kisitlanmamalidir da bir yerde, bir seyler degismelidir baslangicta olanla, ama neticede baktigin zaman bir hicten baslayip, bir hice tamamlaniyoruz ve bir butun olarak sona ulasiyoruz. Tamamlanma evrelerinde yapilanlar, konusulanlar, okunanlar, izlenenler, her seyler gecip gidiyor ve sona ulasiyoruz, tamamlaniyoruz.

Bu iliski de buna benzer olmakta. Hicten basladik, bir nokta koyduk, nokta cizgiye donustu ve yolunu O harfi seklinde almaya basladi, ilerledi ilerledi, bazen nokta nokta ilerledi bazen uzun uzadiya, gecirilen zamanla baglantiliydi aslinda bu noktalarin birlesip cizgiyi olusturmasi ve seklinin yuvarlak, o harfinin seklini almasini diler bir sekilde ilermeye ona yon vermeye cabasi icinde oyle ya da boyle kaleme yon vermeye calisiyorduk. Bizden bahsediyorum cunku kalemi tek elle tutmaya calistigim zamanlarda, O harfinin disina cikmaya basladigimi gormeye basladigim zamanlarla karsi karsiya kaliyordum.

Netice, C'nin yarim kalmisligindan sonra, O harfinin butunlugunu tamamlama gayreti icinde kaybolmadan ilerlemeye ve sona tamamlanmis bir sekilde ulasmaya calisiyorduk. Ikimizde.  
S

I’ve never been slapped in that harsh way, I know it’s a psychological way of seeing things, but when I only expect support and love from someone, slap is unexpected. You slapped me before and it wasn’t that painful.
We were having our dinner at a restaurant, and maybe if I see it in that way, it makes me comfortable more so; I was happy, in a good-mood ignoring the rest, just wanted to kiss you, just wanted to look into your eyes, and forget about that world turns and it’s giving us the pain in every second of it. Thank you for reminding me that. And taking me back to reality, once again.

 I have alot to learn from you. It’s obvious. I know in my personality until I get pain in the ass, I do not move. I do not move to do things I have to, and I am not planned at all, and enjoying the day with pleasure without pushing myself into the stressful life. I am not a hardworker. Your words were the little needles in my brain, in my mind and heart. I couldn’t take them, since ever you continued I couldn’t stop my mind to be exploded and try to catch up with your advises, I know you are also being afraid of me, and you want me to get ready, and that was the reason you did all of these. It could me in a better way.

S is beginning in a point and continuing on it’s way to find the exit, and it doesn’t end somewhere. To create the letter it ends somewhere obviosuly but it can go ahead. It’s curvy and has it’s own way of moving and you end in a point that you were completely opposite in the begining. During the journey of S, you do not know what you are going to face. And last night you proved it to me with your words and ur great experiences, even I could think of all the things you’ve said, I wouldn’t take myself down with all the time thinking all of these.
Don’t you see that I am loosing what I have, my life is surrounded all by friends, family, and other people. And I love socializing. Here I have my friends, and it’s going to chance during the time, the family with kinship can be same but what about without kinship ones? They still exist, and there are millions of people waiting to meet them.
  I experienced life in a big city living without a money, even it was just like a small trip, I experienced the difficulties but still, I am up to start a new life without seeing the end. That is also another characteristics of S, you start from somewhere and because of it curves you do not know where you going to end it up. So the only thing I can do is, get your advises in a good way and start the S journey and see.

Thank you for all you’ve said even all took my mood down, sometimes I need someone to do that, but not in that hursh, maybe it wasn’t that hursh, it was me who got in that way but still I can see the good point in that and I am being thankful.

And tonight, when I had a meeting with the documentary director, I told everything, everysingle feeling you brought to me, I felt that when I was talking about you, the smile was in my face and I wanted the listener to be impressed about what I had, it wasn’t something in my mind but later on when I thought about it, i am proud to be with you and having my pleasent time with you, so wanted to show it to a person, I met just once. Your words made me realize that it’s not only one person, it’s the whole people whomever going to watch the documentary, I had lost that sense when I was there with the director and the excitement in my blood made me speak loud everything, even there were some missing parts, I opened up myself to this person, and you made me to think of who is this person that I opened up that easily? Who are going to watch or listen what I’ve been through.

I couldn’t sleep of thinking all of these, it was overwhelming and even the light was switched off, I couldn’t close my eyes, it was very dark, and I’ve seen the dark, watched the dark, felt it deep inside of me, and it was actually what I’ve.
I couldn’t take this anymore and I left you alone in the bed, I smoked a cigarette, felt the breeze in your living room and I made my mind to send a mail to the guy I’ve seen once and I told him my love stories, my sensetive face. It was easily understood that I’ve faced the regret about the what I’ve told him, and again I wanted to show him how sensetive I am.

He answered me, he was understanding, I know I should be more careful and more mature about all of these, the time will come. I haven’t been living you had lived already.

Just to sum up, I am still appriating your existence, and I am glad that I met you, you brought up lots of feelings I had before, good or bad doesn’t matter. The only thing matters is I am getting addictive to you, and it’s not a good thing, I know.

19022013
Mus
T

We could see it that it was a dead-end. But everything was going on it’s way that it wasn’t a dead end. When we were getting closer to the end of the road, we started to move on other ways, or we tired.
The dead-end sign, T.

You’ve entered in a wrong way. You should not continue. You should not move ahead if you won’t be stopping. If you want to go further, you shouldn’t take this road. No way, deadend, one way.

Now you are sitting there, you sent  me a photo that you took today.
I said thanks.
End of the road
A

Two lines, independent from each other, comes along, and a bridge connects them, with the bridge they start to come closer and closer and the separation between two line ends.

 The thing makes the letter special is that two separate lines clashes in a certain point. Even the time they were separated they moved along each other.

They are being connected to each other.

 So the separation won’t last long. It’s a very positive letter.

When It gives a hope.

Hope of the connection will happen in the end.