This series, created in 2013, emerged from my struggles, which intensified after I moved away from my birthplace for the first time.The challenges of being alone in a new city made me doubt the wisdom of moving abroad without any security. I felt as if I was "messing/fucking up" my life, even though I was merely stepping out of my comfort zone.

Instead of feeling excited about a new start, I found myself often paralyzed by anxiety and loneliness, spending countless hours in my room. During this time, I began taking nude self-portraits with a compact camera, my only companion. Gradually, I developed the concept of visualizing how I felt - "fucking myself up" - by posing in various positions and superimposing them to create single, composite images.
Subsequently, I applied digital manipulation to photographs from this series and other images. This technique references the "need to keep identity discreet" due to experienced hostility and discrimination based on sexual orientation and identity, despite living unapologetically as part of the LGBTQ+ community.
Through this process, I discovered that transforming unpleasant experiences was part of addressing my struggles, including shame, guilt, and existential issues in adulthood.